Last year was a year of loss – many lost their lives to COVID-19, their jobs due to downsizing and budget cuts, and so much more. Loss is unavoidable. Every woman will face it at some time in their life. Loss can come from the death of a loved one or close friend, the loss of a romantic relationship, the loss of a job, and the list goes on and on. How do you pick up the pieces of your broken heart? How do you transform hopelessness into hope?
First let me say that I am no expert on loss. I don’t hold psychology degrees or anything like that. However, I have had a lot of loss in my life – I had three brothers die in their twenties to inner city violence, my dad died of cancer two weeks after I had my first son, and my mom recently died unexpectedly after Christmas of a heart attack. I have also had my heart broken a time or two and felt the loss from a relationship I thought would last forever. I have cried, screamed, and just felt so broken by the pain of loss at various points of my life. However, I have always found a way to get up, dust myself off, and move forward through the pain. There are three things that I have learned through the loss in my life and I want to share them with you in hopes that they give you strength and courage as you go through tough times now and tough times in the future.
Three Unaverage Tips to Deal with Loss:
- Let Yourself Feel the Loss – Most black women put up a strong, independent woman persona. I know I do. I mask my pain and try to just push through it, then it comes out at the worst time like an overflowing levee that has just broken. The grief over your loss has to be faced and experienced. And there is no one way to grieve – You are allowed to be sad, angry, or anything else you feel. It is also important to find some constructive ways of acknowledging the loss. I started a grief journal after I lost my mom where I write whatever I am feeling that day – good or bad. It is helping me express my grief and not bottle it up. Another constructive may to feel your loss is to create a memory collage – a collage of events, photos, and moments to remember and cherish. It is important to harness good emotions and memories as well.
- Reach out for Support – There are people in your life that care about you – friends and family – and want to be there for you. Let them know what you need or if you just need to talk. No one was meant to grieve alone, so don’t shut them out or push them away. If you don’t have close friends and family as a support system, there are also community groups and facebook groups for people going through similar loss as yours. It is also a good idea to talk to a therapist during very traumatic loss in one’s life. Tap into the resources known and unknown to find the support you need. There is no shame in reaching out for support to cope with loss and grief.
- Learn Something from the Loss – Whatever loss you experience should teach you something. It should drive you to do something more, better, or different. Everything you go through in your life has a lesson in it. Losing my mom two days after Christmas was traumatic and shocking. I still don’t understand and I may never understand why she died. However, her death has taught me a couple of things – 1) Live your life today, because tomorrow is not promised. Don’t put off things you want to do. Make a plan and make it happen. 2) Make your health a priority. Your health is your wealth, so work on it and make it the best it can be. 3) Make God the Center of your Life. My mom was a woman of faith who prayed continuously and had no fear. She trusted God through it all. I want to do that too so I can see her again when this life is over.
Loss is a natural part of life that no one can avoid. However, you do not have to allow it to consume you. Let yourself feel the loss and go through all the emotions that come along with it. Reach out for support from your circle of loved ones and utilize community groups and therapy to help you through the process. And last, but not least, find something you can learn from the loss. Become better, not bitter through the process of dealing with your loss.