Relationship Goals. We hear this phrase all the time, but what does it really mean? Do you have goals for your relationships? How do you create healthy relationships? When you look at your current relationships would you consider them healthy? If not, what do you plan to do about them? How do you declutter and organize your relationships?
Every woman has had or has a relationship. We have relationships with our family, our friends, our coworkers, and our husband/boyfriend. Some of our relationships are healthy and are a positive influence on our lives. Those are easy to spot. I bet you can think of which ones those are in your life. Then there are those that were not so good. The ones you look back on and ask yourself what was I thinking? Then there are those relationships that may have some good and bad parts. How do you decide if they are worth saving?
Let’s start by identifying signs of a toxic relationship. Any relationship that is not moving you toward being a better person is clutter in your life. If you have a friend that downs your ideas all the time, if you havea husband or boyfriend that does not support your dreams and goals, if you have a family member that is jealous and always in competition with you, if you have a co-worker that is always trying to get you to cut corners and do the wrong thing – that is not a healthy relationship. Lack of support, jealousy, resentment, controlling vibes, negative comments and disrespect, dishonesty, and ignoring your needs are all signs of toxicity.
A healthy relationship is one where there is support, encouragement, respect, trust, and communication without judgment. Dinkar Kalotra says, “A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dreams, or your dignity.” A healthy relationship does not require you to compromise who you are for the other person’s happiness. There is a mutual benefit between both parties. It is giving and taking with no selfish motives behind one’s behavior. There is genuine love and care in a healthy relationship.
Now that we have gone over the difference between a toxic and a healthy relationship, how do you declutter and organize the ones you have? The ones you have identified as healthy, will need to be fed to keep them healthy. They ones you have identified as toxic or somewhat toxic, you need to decide what to do with them. Are they worth saving or do you need to end them?
Making goals for the relationships you have and the ones you hope to have in the future, starts with decluttering and organization. Every aspect of one’s life needs to be decluttered, so why would relationships be left out? Here are my Four Steps to Declutter or Organize Your Relationships:
Step 1: Evaluate Yourself – You cannot love or care for others well, if you do not care for yourself. Sometimes we settle for less than we deserve, because we have not valued ourselves or do not see our own worth. Sometimes we put everyone else’s needs above our own and end up in toxic, parasitic relationships. It’s time to acknowledge it, learn to love yourself, and know you deserve the best in your relationships.
Step 2: Set Boundaries and Expectations – It is important to know what you expect to give and get from a relationship. What are your standards? What is unacceptable for you? What are your boundaries – physical, mental, time, etc. Henry Cloud says, “You get what you tolerate.” You cannot be mad at someone crossing a line, if you never let them know there is a line.
Step 3: Assess Your Circle – If people aren’t really for you, they must go. It is okay to cut people out of your life who are not good for your life. I know this can be hard to do, especially if the relationship has been in existence for a long time. However, you must learn to stop setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Step 4: Communicate Your Needs – Be able to communicate your needs and say what you mean. You can do it with tack, but don’t lie to make someone feel better or beat around the bush. If you are salvaging a relationship, discuss the issues honestly. If the relationship is important to the person, they will want to work on making the relationship healthy or better.
Every woman should have relationship goals. Yours may not look exactly like mine. However, there are some common things that should be in everyone’s relationship goals like trust, support, respect, communication, and unselfish motives. In order to reach your relationship goals, decluttering the ones you have is the first step. Evaluate yourself, set your boundaries and expectations, assess your circle, and communicate your needs. You deserve healthy relationships. Your past relationships do not have to determine your future relationships. Start your relationship goals today!